Beyond Possible

As I write this, Columbus, Ohio is in the middle of the lunar eclipse and it’s also a blue moon. There is a lot going on astrologically today, and I woke up at 4:44am feeling alert and awake. Three years ago on January 31, 2015 my beloved mentor and friend, Dr. Mark Chirila passed away unexpectedly after suffering a massive brainstem stroke a couple days after falling on the ice in front of his home. My life was so different then, and a huge part of my world shattered that day.

The person I was then couldn’t imagine the person I am today. I felt lost and abandoned and was grasping at anything familiar to create a sense of safety and security. I felt I had found my purpose working with Dr. Mark, and though I was only there for a relatively short period of time, it had a huge impact on me as well as many people I care about and came to care about (his clients). Having that all go away in an instant was devastating. In many regards, I’m still recovering from that loss.

This has been a Humpty Dumpty type of healing (or “reorganizational healing”). Everything fell apart in a way that it couldn’t be put back together the same way again. But three years later, I’ve made a stellar omelet of my life. I believe that Dr. Mark (and the larger force organizing him and everything else in the Universe) guided me along this path.

I came upon Dr. Matthew Mancuso a couple years before I started care in his office. It was a curious thing that I didn’t start seeing him immediately, but I started seeing him mid-March 2017. And that’s when things really started to shift for me. He didn’t just help me to put the pieces back together same as they were before. He’s helped me to create a life that’s better than I could’ve possibly imagined.

And it’s not just Dr. Matthew, but also the incredible staff at Intrinsic Care, including his wife, Carrie, and Dr. Lindsay Mack (who recently left to open her own office in Ft. Wayne, IN and be closer to her family). I wasn’t even a month into care when major aspects of my life changed dramatically. Many of the symptoms that initially brought me to the office are a fading memory. Things I just accepted as “that’s just how I am” and “that’s just part of getting older” are not part of my daily experience anymore. And instead, I have more health, vitality, energy… more LIFE.

I started working at Intrinsic Care August 1st, 2017 after being in care there for about 4 months, and that has also been a huge metamorphosis. Every aspect of my life has improved. I’m so proud to be part of the phenomenal team there, which now includes Dr. Abbie Spencer, who is extremely passionate about the work we do there.

We lift each other up every day. We laugh and cry and support each other. I wake up in the morning and I look forward to going to the office to see my team as well as the amazing souls we serve there. This is the team I always wanted to be a part of, though it’s honestly better than I could’ve imagined. So many aspects of my life ARE better than I could’ve conceived of them being. Our ideas of what’s possible come from what we know and have already experienced. And that’s why they’re so woefully inadequate.

What’s really possible is so far beyond our ideas. Beyond the known. It lives in a scary place of the unknown. If I could’ve seen 3 years ago the life I’m living today, it would’ve made things a lot easier. And that’s why I imagine my future self coming from a place of “Hey, this is SO AMAZING that if I told you about it right now, you wouldn’t have anything resembling the context to understand it and wouldn’t believe me. So just have faith that it’s really great and keep moving toward that feeling. You’ll get here eventually!”

If my future self had told me about my life three years ago, I wouldn’t have believed her. Beyond that, I probably would’ve been deeply offended and upset by what she had to say, because it was so far beyond what I thought was possible for me, that it would’ve sounded almost cruel and taunting, though it would’ve come from a place of great love.

I’m living my life now from a place of having faith that the life I’m moving toward is so amazing that I don’t currently have the context for it and my intuition is guiding me every step of the way. And I’m so grateful for every experience I’ve had and that is yet to come. Much love to all of you. I hope you’ll take a step beyond what you think is possible today. <3

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