I used to be a lot more of a gamer than I am now. I always enjoyed games, especially video, board and card games. I think somewhere around 2005 I started hosting board game nights with a group of guys I worked with a couple times a month. I only owned a few games, but I lived in a big house with a nice place to play, so the guys would bring their duffel bags full of games and 6-packs of good beer and some energy drinks. We’d play for hours and practice the fine art of trash-talk.
A few years ago, I was hosting a game night and I won at Alhambra again after having my ass handed to me in some other games. I was wondering aloud why I usually won certain kinds of games like Alhambra (some strategy, but lots of variables left to chance). My die-hard gamer friend turned to me and said “It’s because you play intuitively rather than strategically.” Huh. I must’ve looked confused, because he then offered further “It’s why you rock at Alhambra, but you suck at chess.” OH!
That applies to a lot more than gaming in my life. In fact, I think it applies to every aspect of my life. I feel like I’ve always been that way, but it’s only been in recent years that I started to accept and understand that about myself. Before that, I feel like my intuition was always there, but it was crushed beneath my mountains of logic, rationalization and justification. “This and this, therefore that.” In thinking and acting along those lines, while largely ignoring my intuition, I put myself through a vast world of pain.
Back up there for a moment. Re-read that last sentence a time or two. The key phrase there is “while largely ignoring my intuition.” I am NOT saying that rational thinking is bad. Rational thinking is great! I have tremendous love and respect for amazing people like Albert Einstein, Carl Sagan and Neil deGrasse Tyson. The problem comes in when that rationality is divorced from intuition. They should be dancing together. Daaaahnnnssiing, dahlingk!
In recent years as I’ve opened back up to my intuition, things have gotten infinitely more interesting, weird, bizarre, embarrassing, and awesome. [random: I say “Oxford comma” in my head whenever I decide to use one, which kind of answers that song by Vampire Weekend.] I’ve made some big life changes and pulled 180’s with eye poppin’ G-force. This is not for the faint of heart and comes with all sorts of warning labels. But as with most warning labels, I peel them off and stick them somewhere inappropriate that makes me giggle, and then I do my thing anyway.
I watched the movie, Jeff, Who Lives at Home when it came out in the theater last year, and really identified with it. If you haven’t seen it, here’s the trailer. Jeff has all these random coincidences and sees signs everywhere. But which ones should he pay attention to or act on? Well, pretty much all of them. Doing that takes him on this crazy journey. He gets hurt a lot along the way, and at best people think he’s a lovably kooky slacker. At best. But people also think he’s straight up nuts, incredibly lazy, gullible, [Oxford comma] and useless. He doesn’t know why he’s being prompted to do these things. But he is and so he does them (often against his judgment and the judgment of those around him). He doesn’t have any real clue what it’s leading up to. There’s no goal he’s working toward or something he’s trying to attain or acheive. He’s just doing what feels like the thing to do in that moment and going with it.
And more and more, that is how I’m operating in my life. I’m currently unemployed with no clear idea of what I’ll be doing next for a living (well, I’d like to do UX and user research work, but it’s not like I know where, when, how or if it will happen). I know many people who would be terrified in my position. The uncertainty, instability, etc… But I’m not. I feel pretty good, actually. I have a robust support network of friends and family right now, and I’m just doing what feels right in each moment as it presents itself. I’m figuring it out as I go and playing it all by ear. And I feel like everything is working out just fine.